Thursday, 9 February 2012

A little dragon, a black dog and lots of aspirations : The hard reality of trying to get any work done!

Hello all! Hope your all having a lovely toasty evening! geez it has been as cold as a witches t*t over the last few days and we had a little snow as well.
I,ve been M.I.A for a few weeks now and can now reveal exactly what the heck has been happening.
Well first off many of you might not know that I,m a mummy, yep I have 3 gorgeous children two girls and a rather beautiful just entering toddler-hood baby boy. My eldest is a dragon, so this year her turning twelve and her western birth sign coming around again,plus the Olympics etc.. is really cool. Well I found out just before I said goodbye to 2011 and celebrated my younger daughter's fifth b'day that I am exepecting another little Dragon!!! I feel very blessed to be able to concieve and have little ones.
my two daughters.

So whats this about a Black Dog? well if you know anything about depression it is often referred to as "The Black Dog". Interestingly I have found that alot of the funniest people in comedy suffer from some form and many creative people,designer makers whose blogs I read also suffer from it and talk candidly occassionally about it.
I myself have suffered depression (and have finally been diagnoised with BPD Borderline Personality Disorder which symptoms can be misdiagnoised as Bi-Polar Disorder.)

The worst form of depression for me which I am getting mild symptoms of is antenatal depression.Which is Depression during pregnancy. Due to lots of family upheaveal and heavy emotional stuff plus trying to sort out funding my little biz and trying to get stock made with no money (i,m unemployed.) it's no wonder really. Of course this the makes me scared witless that i,ll end up with Postnatal depression again which led me to finally get more help and diagnoises of BPD but which has cost me friends (well maybe they weren't true friends.) 

So right about now I am trying to get more therapy and work on myself, my bizness is also my therapy.The dolls and jewellery evolved from my interests in colour,symbolisim etc.. and doing a activitity that I could do with minimal tools, was not to expensive (depending on beads and fabrics), and would keep me calm.

I have also come across the opportunity to either individually or as part of a collaboration, take over a vacant shop unit and use it to not just create and sell my work for a 3month period.But also really alter the space and create exciting activities within it to help the community the unit is in. I will keep you in the loop regardless of whether i,m successful or not on whats happening as it's a really cool concept/project.

So sorry all if i,m not here as much as I hope or you go to my etsy and it's on vacation or you go to my old main website link and it's gone ( I hope to buy the domain name). Trying to stretch a little money a long way is very hard at the best of times and even harder when trying to change your life for the better.And make lots of pretty beaded gorgeousness! while battling all day sickness.

On the bright side though i,m not giving up! I will continue to do the things i,ve put in place to protect my growing unborn (currently 14weeks into his or her growth), asprin to thin my blood and prevent bloodclots in the placenta which killed my third daughter at 6months of pregnancy.This baby is actually number 5! try to be positive and use up stuff I have at home to finish off the works in progress that I am sure you all will love once complete!

So thankyou for listening to my rant ! Being human means trying to pick yourself up when you feel like you've failed  or simply not being the person you wished you was going to be at this point in time. Just gotta keep on trucking!

Edited Sunday 12th feb.

RIP Whitney Houston, amazing talent,success, the world your oyster and all destroyed by pills, the demon white powder and weed. Be in peace now, hopefully true friends will pick up the pieces of your family's broken hearts. Whitney is survived by her Mother,godmother and her only child.No parent wants to outlive their child, no family member should find out the death of a loved one through the tv and no child should be motherless for no real reason.


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